Just like Nathan Petrelli!

My cousin Jacob can fly.

Quotes

The Favorite Quotes section of my Facebook profile needed cleaning up. Here are the quotes that got deleted:

Mom trying to wake Laura up Easter morning:
"If Jesus rose from the dead, so can you!"

"Cece said 'I'm glad I'm not Indian because I hate Indian food.' I thought 'Well then maybe you should try some Dumb Crazy Bitch food 'cause you'd probably really like it."
- Mario on Beauty and the Geek

"Did I just overhear you telling Sam that 'chien' is the French word for 'frog'?"
"Oui!"
"But it's not. It means 'dog'."
"Non!"
"Er, yes."
"..."
"..."
"Je m'appelle poutine!"

"Yelling gives gay babies cancer. Do you want gay babies to get cancer?" (Jimmy to Hannah via IM)

"There's no truth in your soul!!" - Soda

"She can die on her own time, we've got bingo to play!" - Laura when Mom's asthma attack almost interupted our Christmas Bingo game.

"Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee." - Penny Bessman

Liz- "Why are you wearing a tux?"
Jack- "It's after six. What am I, a farmer?"
(30 Rock)

"GRANNY GET THE TASER!" - Spinelli, General Hospital

Abby: I wouldn't say "Rest in Peace." I would say "Rest in the belly of a whale, Steve Irwin, for that's what you deserve!"

Abby: You can't just un-friend someone, mom.
Miranda: Yeah, this isn't facebook.

(Joe invites an audience member onstage to give a toast.)
Random Frat Boy Sam: " We fuck 'em up, we fuck 'em down, we fuck their friends when they're not around."
Joe Firstman: "The Joe Firstman Band does not necessarily endorse Sam's toast. But we still drank to it."

Love you. Love everything about you. Thinking about being you for Halloween. -- Will & Grace

-

With Arms Outstretched

So there's this guy that I like. And I think he likes me. But he better pick up the fucking pace because seriously yo, I'm moving in two months.

Or, as Rilo Kiley said:
"If you want me, you better speak up
I won't wait
So you'd better move fast"

Seriously.