Sunday, December 16, 2007

So I guess I'm an adult now?

Yesterday was graduation. I graduated. I am a college graduate. It's very strange. I'm a college graduate now, I should be responsible or something. I should be job hunting. I should be paying off my credit card. These are all things I am not doing.

In my defense, I've been home for less than two weeks and I've been really busy. And sick! I was sick the last few days. I spent my first two days as a college graduate lying in bed watching Gilmore Girls on DVD. Yay adulthood!

I've also been considering what to spend my graduation money on. See, I'm eligible for an upgrade on my cell phone. When I first started looking I was leaning towards the LG enV because I liked it for the price. But then yesterday as I got my first two graduation checks I realized that I'll have more money lying around when it comes time to buy my phone. See, right now I'm living with my parents so I don't have any bills or anything, and I don't really have anything that I need to spend this money on (aside from paying off my credit card, but I'm working on that) so I think I might just have to upgrade to a fancy new phone. I really want a phone that I can check email on, but for some reason I'm just not a big fan of the traditional Blackberry style smartphones. They just look weird to me. I'm thinking I might splurge and go with the LG Voyager, because why not? Hopefully the price will drop a bit after Christmas and it won't be so expensive.

I've got another month to think it over. I'm not allowed to get my new phone until Mom is eligible for an upgrade as well because I need to help her pick out her phone. I just do what I'm told, it doesn't really make sense to me either.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

This is how it works

I don't understand how some people view deals. I bought two ink cartridges today and got a free $10 gift card. Some people would think "$40 in ink and all you get is $10? LAME." But, you see, I was going to buy the ink anyway. I needed the ink. The $10 gift card was just a bonus, a surprise. That's how it works. I didn't go in thinking "I can get $10 if I spend $40!" Nobody thinks like that. That's dumb.

Same goes for the reward program. I'm not going to go and spend $250 just so I can get $5 in certificates. Just, no. But, if I'm going to spend $250+ anyway, say I'm buying a new stereo, then why not join the reward program? It's not hurting me, I was going to spend $250 anyway. So now I can get $5 off, say, a DVD in the future. A DVD I probably would have bought anyway, at full price.

This is how it works. I never understood the people who would buy like $600 worth of stuff and not sign up for RZ. That's $10 towards whatever you want that you're just passing on. I don't get it.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

You can google me any time

So there's this commercial for some insurance or something and they talk about how you can call a number to get a "rate quote." I *know* they say "rate quote." I KNOW this. But... I don't hear "rate quote." I hear "rape quote." Erica hears it too. Always it makes us wonder what exactly is a "rape quote?" Is that like how high I rate on the rapeability scale? If I call that number are they going to tell me how many guys want to rape me? The cost? QUALITY? I don't know. This is how my brain works.

So I have a meter on this page that tracks the number of people that visit this here blog. It can also tell me how people find my site. Usually people find a link on Abby's blog or somewhere I've posted. Sometimes they find me by searching for the coffee and hairspray quote. Usually people find my site because they're Abby. But while reviewing my last sitemeter report, I saw that someone found my site by searching for my first and last name. I want to know who in Chicago (yes, it tells me location) would know me enough to a) know my first and last name and b) actually go to the trouble to google me but c) not already know I keep this thing. Now, I admit, I google myself. Sometimes I google my friends. But I don't know anybody in Chicago that would be googleing (googling?) me. The fact that this person is apparently still using Windows 98 is also bizarre. Site meter is a tad big brother, no?

What I'm trying to say is I wonder how many people are going to find this site by googling "rape quote."

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

The movie that changed your life

Pajiba's latest comment diversion asked us readers to list the songs, albums, and/or movies that changed our lives. Here was my response:

'Take-offs and Landings' by Rilo Kiley is definitely the album that changed my life. I don't remember now what prompted me to buy it, but by the time I was halfway through "Science vs. Romance" I knew I'd found my new favorite band. I've since bought everything available (including the recent Under the Blacklight, which was disappointing). This was at the beginning of my search for good music outside the mainstream, and it was a wonderful gateway tool to a seemingly endless supply of great music.

As for a specific song, I'd have to say 'Shannon Marie' by Joe Firstman. It's one of the most beautiful and personal songs I've ever heard by any artist, and it started my love affair with his music and my desire to date a musician so that he could write an equally beautiful song about me. The last 40 seconds or so still give me chills, it's so good.

A movie that changed my life? I'd have to say Almost Famous. It's been my absolute favorite movie since the moment I saw it, and the film has definitely helped to shape who I am today, more so than any other film I've seen.

If you aren't a Pajiba reader, I highly recommend checking them out. I've been reading for years. I remember back in the day when they only posted items on Friday afternoons or over the weekend, whenever they got around to seeing the movies. They're growing up before our eyes, what with seeing advance screenings and doing interviews with writers and such! And now they update every day. Check 'em out, you won't be disappointed.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Are you OK with what you've got?

I've barely made any posts since I've come to Hawaii - I'm not a very dedicated blogger, obviously - but I'm back now and ready to post!

About the WGA strike!

What? You thought I'd post some stories about my escapades in Hawaii? Silly rabbit.

I seem to have a soft spot in my heart for entertainment unions. We've seen this from me before. I don't even work in the entertainment industry, unless you count doing publicity for a film festival. And I'm just an intern (a kickawesome, hard-working intern, but an intern nonetheless), so I'm not even paid. What I'm trying to say here is that I don't have any stake in the outcome of the WGA strike. The only way this is going to affect me at all is that my TV shows are going to be interrupted. Which, while unfortunate, I'm not really that upset about. My favorite show currently is The Office, and I just read earlier today that they have officially halted production. I should be pissed, but I'm not. I was thrilled when I read that Steve Carrell and Rain Wilson refuse to cross the picket line. Way to stand up for the rights of your co-workers!

I guess my family may be indirectly influencing my feelings towards these unions. My dad is currently a member of a union. But I really think it's my mom that has shaped this portion of my personality. During my impressionable years, at the tender age of 9 or so, I walked the picket line with my mother outside the hospital where she worked. The nurses were on strike. I realize now looking back that my presence there was a strategic move - those group of kids walking with their parents are exactly the ones who would be affected by the outcome of the strike. Plus, we were adorable. I don't really remember anything about the strike aside from the office that was the headquarters where we got hot chocolate and yelling "Scab!" at an ambulance pulling up to the ER. Of course at the time I had no idea what was going on- I didn't know what a strike was or why we were mad at an ambulance. But I can understand now that we were doing something important. (I don't actually know what exactly the goal of the strike was- but I'm pretty sure we didn't get what we wanted, because my mom doesn't work at the hospital and hasn't for well over 10 years now [she just got a 10th anniversary gift thing from the company she currently works for]. I should probably call my mom. She likes it when I call her.)

For more on the writers' strike, I recommend checking out Stephen Falk's blog Plaintive Wail. Or you could just google it. Avoid the comments on ONTD posts, I have a feeling that most of those posters haven't held a real job and that none of them have walked a picket line.

Currently listening to Parade by Pretty Girls Make Graves

Monday, October 01, 2007


So the last two nights I've dreamt about smoking weed with celebrities. It was Helen Mirren the first night and Nicole Richie the second night. I would much rather smoke with Helen Mirren, I'm just sayin'.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Stories from Home

Jaccie: did you hear about grandma and Lou's boyfriend?
Me: no
Me: tell!
Jaccie: hahaha.
Jaccie: well, me, laura, your mom, katrina, the BF and morgan were sitting at the table. now, he was sitting away from the kitchen facing the door to the hallway
Me: this is at my house, yes?
Jaccie: anywho grandma walks in and we're laughing because trina was going on about how she's the hated grandchild because she didn't get a quilt.
Jaccie: yes. at your house.
Jaccie: and grandma came in from the garage and we're all talking and joking and she puts her arms around the BF and she's like hugging him and patting him on the chest...then she walks over around the table and she's like "OMG! I THOUGHT YOU WERE JACOB!"
Jaccie: and then the BF turned a nice shade of coke can red.
Jaccie: and we all laughed.
Jaccie: and then Laura introduced them.
Me: ahahahahahahha that's fantastic
Jaccie: and grandma had to tell him that she's usually not so loving.
Jaccie: i know.
Jaccie: good times.
Me: i'm giggling like crazy now. ha! i'm sure everyone else in my office thinks i've lost my mind. either that or the Molokai news release is HILARIOUS
Jaccie: lol.
Jaccie: it seriously was the funniest awkward moment EVER
Me: i would have peed laughing
Jaccie: cuz we're all like....hmm. why is grandma hugging this kid?
Me: i love it.
TinyDancer426 (11:16:23 AM): oh those are good ones.
JACC1E (11:16:35 AM): and trina told the one about knives, and the barbie toilet

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Mighty Big Change

You know, I didn't think web design could kill my soul.

But then today I clicked the TWOP button in my toolbar.

Now, I've been reading since it was I began reading for the Gilmore Girls recaps, and that show premiered in 2000, so we're going to assume that I started reading MBTV in early 2001. Back then, the site looked like this:Last Friday this is what the website looked like: Six years passed and very little changed. A lot has changed since I first started reading TWOP, but the website itself never changed. Always snarky, always funny, always great.

Earlier this year TWOP was bought by Bravo. At first I was a tad worried about it, but months later not much had changed about the website at all. The biggest change would be that some of the articles that would have normally been featured on were instead featured in Mondo Extras. That was it, the biggest difference. Then today I click the button...What. The. Fuck. !? This is so... weird. The thing I hate the most about the new layout is that instead of the little drawings associated with each show, there's a picture. How am I supposed to read Supernatural recaps without the Big Gay Dragon? This sucks. I hate so much about the things it chooses to be.

A big thanks to the way back machine for letting me time travel back to simpler times (like last week) in order to grab some screen caps.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Hawaii: The Adventure So Far

Today is my one month anniversary of arriving in Hawaii. Since I haven't really updated at all since I've been here, I figured I'd do a quick run-down of what I've been up to, as told by the pictures I've taken.

Before Hawaii: Hannah tried to sneak into my suitcase. As if I wouldn't notice!
Boo took the more subtle approach of sitting atop my suitcase and glaring at me with his evil little eyes.
Then I got to Hawaii. The view off our lanai:
There are oceans and sunsets in Hawaii.
There are also Germans in Hawaii. This one is named Judith, she likes alcohol and shopping.
Hawaii also has the Arizona Memorial. Despite what you may have heard, Josh Hartnett and Kate Beckinsale do not hang out at Pearl Harbor. Judith was disappointed.
But the most important thing they have in Hawaii? Shoe stores. I'm averaging one new pair a week.
These pictures and more can be seen over on flickr.

Saturday, September 08, 2007

I'm Sorry

I know I haven't blogged at all since I've been in Hawaii. My apologies. I'll work on that. Tomorrow Erica, Judith, and I are going to Pearl Harbor, so I should have a good story to tell soon.

So, to catch you up, check out the pictures here!

Wednesday, August 08, 2007


I am Elizabeth Bennet!
Take the Quiz here!

You are Elizabeth Bennet of Pride & Prejudice! You are intelligent, witty, and tremendously attractive. You have a good head on your shoulders, and oftentimes find yourself the lone beacon of reason in a sea of silliness. You take great pleasure in many things. You are proficient in nearly all of them, though you will never own it. Lest you seem too perfect, you have a tendency toward prejudgement that serves you very ill indeed.

I am Elizabeth Bennet!

Take the Quiz here!

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Finding Bodies In Ditches: A Calhoon Sister Adventure

So tonight Laura and Hannah and I went and saw Transformers. But that has nothing to do with this story. This story is going to include a few references to places in Wilmington, Illinois, but don't worry if you've never been there and don't know exactly where Widows road is.

So after the movie we're coming back from Joliet and we get off at the Lorenzo Rd exit to take Hannah Rae home. We drop her off and continue down Widows Rd towards 53. That's when I spot something in the ditch off to the right.

Me: "Was that a person back there in the ditch?"
Laura: "I didn't see anything."
Me: "I think there was someone in the ditch."
Laura: "Turn around and go check."

So I turn around.

Me: "Right there!"
Laura: "It's a garbage bag!"
Me: "No, it's a person!"

So now I have to turn around again. Laura decides we need to see if this person is alive. I stop and she rolls down the window.

Laura: "Hello? Hello? Are you ok?"

I pull forward a little for no apparent reason. Hey, I didn't know what to do.

Laura: "Do you have something I can throw? Here! A pop can!"

So now Laura is dumping out a can of pop as I reverse back to the body in the ditch. Before she throws the can, she tries again to get his attention.

Laura: "Sir? Are you ok?"

Finally the guy shows some signs of life and stands up. He's obviously very intoxicated.

Laura: "Are you ok?"
Drunky: "Where am I?"
Laura: "You're on Widows Road."
Drunky: "I'm at my house."
Laura: "No, no you're not."
Drunky: "I think I'm... I..."

So by now Drunky has manoevered his way to the side of my car. Laura quickly rolls up the window : "Drive drive drive Miranda drive!"

So then we park at L&L and figure out our next move. We decide we need to call our mom. Laura calls the house and leaves a message because nobody here answers the phone. So then Laura decides she's just going to call the police. Before she can Mom calls her back. Laura hands the phone to me so I can tell mom the situation. After telling us that we shouldn't mess with people who are lying in ditches she tells us to call the police. Laura is one step ahead: She's already taken my cell to call 411 to get the Wilmington police.

Once she's off the phone with the dispatcher we both crack up and immediately call our best friends. Abby's comment: "I'm so glad it wasn't a dead body, I really thought that's where the story was going." If it had been a dead body instead of a very intoxicated one I wouldn't find this nearly as funny.

I take back what I said about Wilmington being boring.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Some random quotes from somewhere?

Veronica: Mrs. C! I trust you're well.
Kendall: If it isn't Little Miss Teen Getaway. Your dad and I were just dealing with a little trouble.
Veronica: Like, trouble with a capital "T", that rhymes with "C", that stands for ...
Keith: Veronica!
Veronica: What? I was going to say "cute."

LauraLou2332: i also had a dream that hannah and dan had genital warts....
LauraLou2332: and i was the only person in the world who thought that was gross
TinyDancer426: EWWWW
TinyDancer426: that's gross
LauraLou2332: and im not alone
TinyDancer426: oh no, you'll never be alone when it comes to genital warts. that came out totally wrong.

Bat Shit Crazy Customer: Here's my purple heart card. Have you ever been stabbed in the back?
Me: No, can't say that I have.
BSC Customer: So is your mom single?

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Pure Logic

Andy: You and your sister look alike.
Laura: Will you please stop saying my sister's hot!?
Andy: I didn't say your sister is hot, I said you look alike.
Laura: But you're always telling me I'm beautiful, so obviously if I look like my sister you must think she's hot too.
Andy: That's not what I'm saying.
Laura: Oh, so now you're saying my sister's not pretty?
Andy: ... There's no way I can win this.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Tuesday, June 05, 2007


The Favorite Quotes section of my Facebook profile needed cleaning up. Here are the quotes that got deleted:

Mom trying to wake Laura up Easter morning:
"If Jesus rose from the dead, so can you!"

"Cece said 'I'm glad I'm not Indian because I hate Indian food.' I thought 'Well then maybe you should try some Dumb Crazy Bitch food 'cause you'd probably really like it."
- Mario on Beauty and the Geek

"Did I just overhear you telling Sam that 'chien' is the French word for 'frog'?"
"But it's not. It means 'dog'."
"Er, yes."
"Je m'appelle poutine!"

"Yelling gives gay babies cancer. Do you want gay babies to get cancer?" (Jimmy to Hannah via IM)

"There's no truth in your soul!!" - Soda

"She can die on her own time, we've got bingo to play!" - Laura when Mom's asthma attack almost interupted our Christmas Bingo game.

"Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee." - Penny Bessman

Liz- "Why are you wearing a tux?"
Jack- "It's after six. What am I, a farmer?"
(30 Rock)

"GRANNY GET THE TASER!" - Spinelli, General Hospital

Abby: I wouldn't say "Rest in Peace." I would say "Rest in the belly of a whale, Steve Irwin, for that's what you deserve!"

Abby: You can't just un-friend someone, mom.
Miranda: Yeah, this isn't facebook.

(Joe invites an audience member onstage to give a toast.)
Random Frat Boy Sam: " We fuck 'em up, we fuck 'em down, we fuck their friends when they're not around."
Joe Firstman: "The Joe Firstman Band does not necessarily endorse Sam's toast. But we still drank to it."

Love you. Love everything about you. Thinking about being you for Halloween. -- Will & Grace


Monday, June 04, 2007

With Arms Outstretched

So there's this guy that I like. And I think he likes me. But he better pick up the fucking pace because seriously yo, I'm moving in two months.

Or, as Rilo Kiley said:
"If you want me, you better speak up
I won't wait
So you'd better move fast"


Thursday, May 24, 2007

iPod Oracle: Take Two

Seeing as it didn't work so well last time, I thought maybe I'll try it again. See if maybe things work out any differently. This time I'm going to try concentrating a little harder. Here goes:

#1 - More Adventurous - Rilo Kiley
Well already this is looking up. And it makes me a little bit happier that the version that actually popped up was a really early live performance of the song before the album was released and the song was called "Let Me Be Loved." I'm all for that. Let's just ignore the whole shotgun wedding part of the song.

#2 - Halloween - RENT soundtrack
This doesn't really tell me anything. The song is lame and really it's only purpose is to let the viewer know that a year has passed. And then it recaps what already happened. This is what you give me, iTunes?

#3 - Just Drums - Tapes 'N Tapes
Yeah I don't know. There are a few lines here and there, but mostly it doesn't make sense. Whatever.

#4 - I'll Be - Edwin McCain
Wow. That's a little cheesier than I expected. But not bad.

#5 - The More You Ruv Someone - Avenue Q
"The more you ruv someone the more you want to kir them" Ha!

And, since I did a 6th last time, here's numero 6:
#6 - Salute My Shorts! (The hidden track on Take Offs and Landings) - RK
"Now it's just like we never was/ some things go by just because."

iPod Oracle

I'm using my iPod as a fortune teller right now. I'm going to use the first five songs that pop up to try and gain some insight into a current situation. It involves a boy, and that's all you're getting. Although the only person that reads this is Abby, and she knows the situation, so... yeah. Go with it.

#1 - Avenue Q - If You Were Gay
Wow. If I knew less about the boy, I would say this is a pretty big sign. But I know enough to know that he's not gay, and I'm not gay... way to fuck with me, iTunes.

#2 - David Dondero - Laying Low in Eli, Nevada
I don't really know alot about this song, I've never listened to it before. It seems like a good song. Unfortunately I can't find the lyrics online so I can't do any quick analyzing and I don't really want to listen to the song over and over again. The lyrics seem to be about gambling, which could mean something, I guess. I'm not going to listen to the rest of the song so we'll just have to see.

#3 - Whispertown2000 - Restless
"restless, sweet, reckless, you’re reckless on me
let this, sweet, let this, please, let this gain speed"
That's sort of how I feel, so I guess it fits.

#4 - Coldplay - Amsterdam
Well. That's... interesting.

#5 - Rilo Kiley - Paint's Peeling
One of my favorite RK songs, but it doesn't really help me at all. Or maybe it does. "And I think we're all ready, think we're all ready." It's definitely a hard day for dreaming.

How about one more for good measure?

#6 Green Day - Wake Me Up When September Ends
Ok, iTunes. I give up.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Fell Down the Stairs

I don't have any reall news to update this thing with, although I may steal Heather's Best Buy After Hours pics from our game night and post them here if I ever get around to it.

The whole purpose of this entry is to talk about what a good song Fell Down the Stairs by Tilly & the Wall is. Now it's not really their best song, but I think it has something about it that is fairly unique. While some songs might have one or two lines that are meaningful, FDtS is full of good lines. The whole thing is immensely quotable. See for yourself:

You fell down the stairs into my arms
And swiftly ran the other way
And I heard the steady swell of applause
The two drunk kids, trying to figure out which way was home
they got lost as they were taking off each other’s clothes
They realized there was a hole in the boat

And with no lifesaver you try your best to float

And eventually the sky did return
And I was there outside in green
And I watched the world being reborn, ‘Till one a.m.
So I thought I’d let you know
It was beautiful, slow dancing to tunes of Billie Holiday
The city looked wonderful that way

And love, just like blood, will always stain.

And if I could reverse it,
I don't think that it'd be worth it
Because i know in my heart
i would never let you tumble to the ground.

no, I’d never let you fall...

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Decisions, Decisions

Today I was offered an internship with the Hawaii International Film Festival. There are about a bajillion upsides to this internship and one really big downside. It's unpaid. And it's expensive to live in Hawaii. But it's Hawaii. Which would be hella awesome. I have about a week to decide if I'm going to take this internship. Time to do some soul-searching and penny-pinching.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

The Life That I Have Made In Song

"It's my birthday tomorrow, no one here could know
I was born this Thursday 22 years ago"
-Let That Be Enough Switchfoot

Everything in the above lyric is absolutely true. (Well, except for the "no one here could know" part, because if you're here there's about 90% chance that you're Abby and therefore you should know that tomorrow, Thursday, is my 22nd birthday.) The song was obviously written with me in mind. Other song lyrics that were written with me in mind:

"I won't be left dancing alone
To songs from the past"
- I Won't Be Left Tegan and Sara

"Ain't no sum bitch gonna treat me like a ho
I'm a classy honey kissy huggy lovey dovey ghetto princess"
- Filthy/Gorgeous Scissor Sisters

All of The Frug by Rilo Kiley, except I can't do a backbend.

"Looking on, she sings the songs
The words she knows, the tune she hums"
- Tiny Dancer Elton John

"I’m an angel faced mama but don’t be fooled
you know the devil’s got my son"
- Hello Wishing Well Whispertown2000

"I could have been a famous singer
If I had someone else's voice"
- Road to Joy Bright Eyes

Okay, seriously I could go on all night. There have been quite a few songs written about me, obv. I need to go now so I can prepare for my birthday! And also for school stuff. Don't these people know how important I am!? My birthday should be a national holiday!

Oh, PS, the title of this post is from the song These Days by Nico (originally by Jackson Browne).

Tuesday, April 03, 2007


Ok, I don't want to get all emo on you or anything, but this past week has been awful. Let me list the ways.
  • I had a terrible head-cold all week.
  • I had four tests.
  • I scored a D on one of the tests.
    • If I keep getting Ds on his tests, I'm going to get a D in the class.
    • Ds are failing grades in major classes.
    • This is supposed to be my last semester of classes. If I fail, I'm screwed.
  • My friend Delores was in the hospital. She missed a week of classes, but I didn't find out until yesterday that she was in the hospital. She was back in classes today.
  • I've been working well above my maximum hours a week.
  • My great aunt died. She was ninety and had suffered a stroke, so it really wasn't a suprise, but still sad.
Add to this all the normal stresses and I seriously feel like my brain and my soul are melting.

Friday, March 30, 2007

Planning a Vacation?

Let Google Maps help!

Let's say I want to go from Chicago to London. Make sure you pay special attention to step 20.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Casio Cool

I'm eating my lunch of a not-entirely-awful buffalo chicken salad from the bistro in the lounge of the College of Business building when I over hear what is perhaps the greatest conversation of all time. Some guy has just said to a girl as she's about to leave that "no matter what type of business I manage someday, we're going to have a real, actual casio." They both laugh (his is a terribly annoying laugh) and they continue to talk about this. But I'm no longer really listening. I'm imagining how freaking awesome it would be to have a casio in your office. It would come in so handy! If you had to bring the kids in you could set them up with Jim Walsh-style headphones and let them play with the keyboard. On slow days you could make upsongs for your co-workers about staplers and toner-ink! Casios are so cool, they have all those sound effect options ("This song is played in the key of motorcycle"). It would be indispensible for office parties. The Officeplace Casio may be the greatest idea of all time, and I'm kind of upset that I didn't think of it first.

This is the point in my though process when I tune back into the original conversation to see what ideas the others have come up with for the OfficeCasio. I'm going to blame the accoustics in the lounge and the guy's annoying laugh for my mis-hearing. Apparently when I thought he said "Casio" he actually said "glass ceiling." That's not nearly as cool as a Casio. Also, their laughter is grossly disproportionate to the actual humor level of the joke. I come to the sad realization that I'm in the Buisness building, not the rec building to which I'm accustomed. McCormick is the type of building where discussions of OfficeplaceCasios are held, not the College of Business. I'm out of my element.

Of course, this does mean that the Officeplace Casio was in fact my idea, and I'm having it copwrited or trademarked or patented or whatever. I have the best ideas.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Circles and Squares

This is what you get when you mix boredom and Microsoft Paint.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Friday, March 09, 2007

Carolina Vacation: Day One

I just flew in from Chicago, and boy are my arms tired! Well, actually, my all of me was tired. And I didn't just fly in, I flew in yesterday. And what a day it was!

So my trip began with Mom and Grandma driving me to the airport. Always an adventure, driving with those two. At one point we got off on the wrong exit, but luckily we were able to get right back on. Whose idea was it to put I-290, I-90, and I-190 right by each other? Bastards.

So finally I got to the airport. I tell you, I will always travel with carry-on luggage only, because you can check in at this little kiosk thing and not have to wait in that line to check your baggage. And I love traveling on the little express planes because you can gate-check your suitcase. In case you don't know, gate-checking is where they take your larger carry-on luggage right before you get on the plane, and then you get it back right when you get off. It's very convenient.

Once I was on the plane, I learned quickly that our flight attendant was new. She seemed to be very frazzled and she didn't have the speech memorized. I have the speech mostly memorized, so she should have it too. And then they couldn't get the door to the plane closed. That is most definitely not good. I'm not normally afraid of flying, but I did have a slight fear that mid-flight the door was going to pop open and then we would all die. And that would really have put a cramp in the plans. But, thankfully, I arrived safely in Greenville, SC at about 5pm local time.

We had about three hours to kill before the show, so in true Abby and Miranda fashion, we went to the mall. We ate at Ruby Tuesdays and it was perhaps the fastest meal we've ever had. The service was quick, we ate quickly, it was all good. So then we shopped. Victoria's Secret had about a bajillion panties on sale, so I had to buy some. We also admired cute shoes and handbags that we can't afford. Around 8 we ran back to the car, grabbed some clothes, and then changed in a restroom inside the mall. We are so very awesome.

Then Joe! Oh, Joe, you are so lovely and sooooo talented. I'll post more about the show later (with pictures) but for now just let me say that Joe played the Fraggle Rock theme song and a mash-up of The Blower's Daughter and Saving all the love.

It was a good night.

Check back in soon for day two of the on-going saga.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Ban This!

I love a good book. Who doesn't? You know what I really love? BANNED BOOKS! Now, I don't love the act of banning/burning books. In fact, I hate it. But knowing that a book has been banned makes me that much more eager to read it. I'm not the only one, right? Anyway, this led me to formulate my own list of banned books that I've read. I used the same links she used to create her list, so I'm not going to go through the trouble to link to them here. I didn't know most of them were "banned" when I read them, but finding out that a book I've enjoyed has made some people get their panties in a twist makes me look back at just what it was in the book that could cause an uproar. But I digress... Let's get to my list!

Flowers in the Attic by V.C. Andrews -- Love love loved it. I can understand how this book would make some uncomfortable, but still I highly recommend it.
Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume -- Judy Blume is a goddess.
Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants by Ann Brashares -- ...Seriously? Another fabulous book, but I don't really know what the big fuss is. I guess there is some 15 year old sex, but it happens "off-camera," and Brashares barely hints at the act. I was like 19 when I read it and I had to reread the passage to make sure they had actually done the deed. Read it! It's better than the movie!
A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess -- Yeah, this one's kinda obvious. But it's a work of art, I loved it, and again... highly recommend.
Canterbury Tales by Geoffery Chaucer -- Not a fan, but whatever.
Face on the Milk Carton (series) by Caroline Cooney -- I floved these books in middle school. I haven't read them in close to a decade but I don't remember anything offensive or obscene.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl -- Must be the Oompa Loompas.
Killing Mr. Griffin by Lois Duncan -- I went through a phase where I read basically the entire L. Duncan cataloug. I guess this one might be a tad violent, but I don't really remember anything except they kill their teacher. I don't even remember that that clearly.
Diary of Anne Frank by Anne Frank -- "I keep my ideals, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart." WE MUST GET THIS TRASH OFF OUR LIBRARY SHELVES!
Lord of the Flies by William Golding -- Must be the repeated use of the word "conch." That joke never got old in Sophomore English.
Where's Waldo by Martin Handford -- Now wikipedia is just fucking with me.
The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton -- Oh, Ponyboy. Those Socs were dicks.
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey** -- Crazy. Obviously.
Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes -- I haven't read it since middle school, but I still remember it fairly well. I should really read it again.
It by Stephen King** -- I'm a King fan, but God did he ever get wordy. His '70s books are the best (Carrie, 'Salem's Lot, The Shining, etc)
The Shining by Stephen King -- A great book. I've yet to see the movie all the way through, but I know that it replaces the creepy-ass topiary garden with a less creepy hedge maze. Seriously, I'll never look at a animal-shaped bush the same way.
Pet Semetary by Stephen King -- Not King's best, but I enjoyed it. The movie is a fairly good interpretation, and, y'know, it has Fred Gwynne.
Carrie by Stephen King -- A great read. If you're new to King I recommend starting here, at the begining, and then moving on to either The Shining or 'Salem's Lot.
To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee -- MY ALL TIME FAVORITE BOOK OF ALL TIME, EVER. 'nuff said.
A Wrinkle in Time (series) by Madeleine L'Engle -- I've read A Wrinkle in Time and A Wind in the Door and maybe one more from the series. Not sure what would get it banned, from my recollection it was fairly straightforward fantasy fare.
The Narnia series by C.S. Lewis -- I definitely read The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe and I'm pretty sure I read one more in the series. I'm really good at remembering.
The Call of the Wild by Jack London -- We read it in school. I don't really remember it that well but I think it was more of a guy book.
Mick Harte Was Here by Barbara Park -- Cried my 7th grade eyes out. I'm also pretty sure I read it in one night. Looooved it.
How to Eat Fried Worms by Thomas Rockwell -- ...Because it promotes unhealty diets? I haven't read this in close to fifteen years or something so forgive me if all I really remember is the title. And the part where they glued two worms together to make it look like a nightcrawler.
Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger -- It was alright. Go read it now, because everyone else has read it and PEER PRESSURE.
Scary Stories (series) by Alvin Schwartz -- Dude, these were the shit in elementary school. Laura still probably has them in her closet, or they've gone on to Morgan's.
Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespear -- Seriously? It's a classic. If you haven't read it my opinion of you has severely dropped.
A Light In the Attic by Shel Silverstein -- Shut up, book banners.
Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck -- Good, and soo much better than The Grapes of Wrath, in which Steinbeck goes on for about eleventy billion pages about a turtle crossing a dirt road, and it's about as exciting as you could possibly imagine. Lennie and George are much more interesting.
The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck** -- A fucking TURTLE. For ELEVENTY BILLION PAGES.
Goosebumps (series) by R.L. Stine -- Everybody read at least one in third grade. It was like... the law.
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain -- Of course I've read it, I'm an American living in relative proximity to the Mississippi River.
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain -- See above.
Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut** -- People get touchy when you write a book about war. People are mostly dumb.
Native Son by Richard Wright -- We read it in high school. I don't really remember much about it or why it would have been banned, but you know how some people are.

Alright. There's 35 books that I've read in my lifetime that others have been denied the pleasure. Go read a book.

** Denotes books I have yet to finish or just stopped reading (I'm looking at you, Grapes of Wrath.)

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Spinning Off

The following IM conversation has been edited for clarity, brevity, and grammar. If you're not a General Hospital watcher, I tried to provide links to character pages at wikipedia. That should help explain some things.

Me: SoapNet GH Spin-Off
Erica: I'm reading a post called "Jason Is a Punk Ass Bitch" lol
Me: I like it
Erica: Me too
Erica: I can't find the song I love from Monday though.
Me: Don't you hate that?
Erica: I DO! I may record it off the ep, which means I get the entire recap too.
Me: Hey man, we all know I have the song with Elizabeth yelling at Lucky. I enjoy it immensely.
Erica: Someone made a point that Lucky was hooked on pills which Liz said made him bad for kids, but Jason kills people and she's totally ok with that!
Me: Liz is a moron. I hate her more and more everyday.
Me: I just sent you my updated focus group agenda.
Erica: BOO liz. WOO agenda.
Me: Yeah don't get too excited about the agenda.
Erica: lol
Me: I hope it's good (gh:ns, not the agenda). I have a somewhat skewed view of "good" so they really don't have to do much. I'm just excited about what is esentially an extra ep of GH each week.
Erica: I know! WOO!
Erica: "When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you."
Me: Chuck Norris is really good at Oregon Trail.
Erica: I'm going to start an internet obsession like the Chuck Norris one with Mr. Craig.
Me: Good idea.
Erica: I think so. Mr. Craig would be the first player in the history of Oregon Trail to hunt his wagon mates instead of animals because "it was much more fun."
Me: "When Mr. Craig plays Oregon Trail, his family doesn't die from dysentery, but rather from gun shot wounds and witty comments."
Erica: LOL
Me: We're so cool.
Erica: We are.
Me: Grey's Anatomy Spin-off
Erica: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeird
Me: Yeah. What's with all the spin-offs of my favorite hospital dramas?
Erica: I have no idea! It would be better if it said she was going to be on GH: Nightshift. lol
Me: Maybe they're creating a combined spin-off and where Addison moves back to New York state to take over (insert job title here) at General Hospital in Port Charles.
Erica: OOOH! Yes! And works side by side with Epiphany! And McSteamy flirts up Elizabeth and takes the whore away!
Me: This is a good idea.
Erica: Let's go with it.
Me: We're brilliant. Another storyline: Professor Creepy visits Patrick at the hospital and decides to hit on Addison. Addison is not interested. Prof. Creepy is unrelenting - Addison murders him and has to have... some one cool... Jason?... help her get rid of the body. Maybe Lucky can help her get rid of the body and then Lucky and Addison can get together.
Erica: Ooooooh. I like this. And Georgie stumbles upon them moving the body, so now they must shut her up!
Me: This is just too good.
Erica: hee hee. I love all the Michelle Rodriguez bashing going on online: "So, she really shouldn't get upset when I don't feel sorry for her. If I was a judge, I wouldn't let this lesbian Grim Reaper drive a Big Wheel much less a car. I'd at least take the airbags out of her car and replace them with cobras or anthrax. What, that stings? Maybe she should have thought of that before she decided to mix vodka shots with a school zone."

Great Minds Make The Same Dumb Mistakes

Laura had an extra credit worksheet that consisted of a bunch of Valentine's-y trivia questions. Mom was quizing me last night not because she didn't know most of the answers, but because she wanted to see how smart I am. The only things we really learned are that my sister is well-read and that mom and I think way too much alike.

Mom: Who was the romantic hero in Wuthering Heights?
Me: Heathcliff!
Mom: Yep! Heh- your sister wrote Heathcliff as two words.
Me: Like his first name is Heath and his last name is Cliff? Heath... Cliff.
Mom: Yeah, your sister's smart.
Me: Well it's not like she's read the book.
Mom: True.

Mom: On the set of what movie did Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall begin their affair?
Me: Ooooo... um- The African Queen?
Mom: That's what I guessed too. But Lauren Bacall wasn't in The African Queen, wasn't that Katharine Hepburn?
Me: Oh, yeah. I guess it was.
Mom: To Have and Have Not is the correct answer. Kinda strange that we both made that mistake.
Me: Yeah. The African Queen is kind of a random answer. We must have like, the same brain.

On a different note- Did anyone watch GH yesterday? I've never been more furious with fictional characters. I was throwing things at the TV and yelling. It was crazy. Shut up Liz! Shut up Skye! WTF Jason!? I love you Lucky! SHUT UP LIZ!!

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Like Ricardo Montalban

You may think that all the Super Bowl commercials sucked, but honestly, I love this commercial. It makes me giggle.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Tell me I'm beautiful! Tell me I'm young!

Tonight I found a grey hair, my first. This has to be some sort of cosmic joke.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

This was Unexpected

I am not a sports fan. I don't typically enjoy watching sporting events and I don't understand fanatical attachments to one team. But I'll tell ya what, I'm sitting here flipping between What Not To Wear and the Super Bowl and... it's strange. I'm watching the Bears lose and I'm feeling this bizarre sensation of anger coming over me. When the Colts intercepted the ball and ran it in for a touchdown I had to stop myself from yelling "TACKLE HIM!" at my tv. What is wrong with me? I'm going to be very upset if (when) the Bears lose, and the fact that I have any feelings at all, let alone strong feelings, proves that I am my father's daughter.

I care about the outcome of a sporting event. I feel dirty.

Bottle of Justus

Saturday night the ladies of Apartment 9 saw Bottle of Justus play at Daddio's. Now, we've seen BoJ play no less than a bajillion times so really the fact that we went to the show really isn't that big of a deal. But Christine and Erica took a bunch of good pictures, so I'm here to share some of them. I don't know where my camera is or I'd have taken some myself. (For the first four pictures you can click on them for a larger, better quality pic)

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Here we are hanging out with Chris (the lead singer) before the show. It's a great picture of the four of us, but I also think it's amusing that on the far left it looks like the mural is kicking that woman in the face.

Me and Chris: Take One
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He wasn't ready. I'm always ready for a good photo op. I'm practically a celebrity.
And: Take Two
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Is it weird that I kind of like the first one better? I'm not sure why.

Me and Christine!
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Every time I tried to take a picture of Christine and Erica, Christine blinked. We found a way to remedy this problem.

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On to the show!

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Brotherly Love
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In case you don't know, Chris's twin brother Joe is also in the band. A lovely family.

Time for a little stand-up?
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He's actually singing, but I can't help but imagine him telling bad stand-up jokes in that picture.

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Ok, time for a bit of an awkwardness. We were all the way up against the stage, and I was directly in front of Joey's microphone. This, of course, puts me literally at eye-level with Joey's Junk. Adding to the awkwardness was the fact that I was so close that, if the event arose (heh), I could have provided Joey with an HJ without either of us having to move.

Other events of the night included dinner/breakfast at Denny's, E's cousin being called "fucking old" by some guys that may or may not have been the inspiration for American Pie, and me being chatted up by a guy named Tuesday who had completely forgotten that, in fact, we've already met. It was a good night.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

LOST no more

Alright, folks.

On my myspace page, I have a list of my top ten favorite TV shows. I updated it earlier, but before the update the list looked something like this:
--01. Firefly
--02. Gilmore Girls
--03. The Office
--04. What Not To Wear
--05. Lost
--06. Coupling
--07. Grey's Anatomy
--08. The Daily Show
--09. Project Runway
--10. Beverly Hills, 90210
--11. Heroes
I know that's actually eleven shows, but I still call it my top ten. Because that's how I roll.

I first created my list of television favorites about a year ago. At that time Lost was sliding downhill, I knew it, but I still had hopes for the show. That's why I put it at number five. I still cared about what happened to the characters. I watched every week. Not anymore.

Don't get me wrong. I still watch every week (except for hiatus, obv). But my viewing habits are no longer fueled by my feelings towards the characters and my desire to see how the mystery unfurled. Now I watch out of a sick curiosity to see how the writers are going to dig themselves out of this hole. I'm no longer viewing under the delusions that the writers know what they're doing. This show drops storylines like no other show I know.

Since I no longer consider Lost one of my favorite shows, I had to replace it. I don't know why I didn't add this show to my list sooner, because I have been watching regularly for a while now, and I talk about it all the time. I'm one of those people that talks about soap characters like they are real people. Those of you that know me know that my soap is General Hospital. Those who know me well know that my family is the Spencers. This is the picture I almost chose for my list:

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Luke and Laura (the Ultimate Supercouple), and their two children, Lucky and Lulu. A beautiful family, right? Now, I know they're actors playing characters, but don't you agree that Julie Berman (Lulu) looks like she could be the love child of Tony Geary (Luke) and Genie Francis (Laura)? I really hope Genie comes back to the show to stay, because Luke and Laura should be the central characters on the show. Tony Geary and Genie Francis have been on the show since the '70s, and their wedding in '81 is still the most watched soap event of all time, with something like 3 million viewers. I mean, who wouldn't want to tune in to see that hair and that veil?
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To paraphrase Mr. Geary, I think that giant flowery thing was stapled to her head.

The picture I ultimately chose was this one from around 1993, because it might possibly be the greatest picture ever taken.
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That's hot.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Starting the semester right.

Last night I set my alarm clock for 6:00am.

6:00am came. 6:00am went. No alarm.

I woke up at 10:00am, just in time to miss two classes.

So far this semester I've slept through 2/3 of my classes.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Customers are Smrt

Where I work we offer free trial subscriptions to five different magazines to customers as they come through the checkout. Approximately half the people that come through my line respond to my magazine pitch in this way, see if you can catch the mistake.

Me: With your purchase today you get eight risk free weeks of one of the magazines, which would you like to go with?
Customer: Neither.

... "Neither?" So you want neither of the FIVE magazines I've just offered you? From
Usage Note: According to the traditional rule, neither is used only to mean "not one or the other of two." To refer to "none of several," none is preferred: None (not neither) of the three opposition candidates would make a better president than the incumbent.
And also today:
Me: There's $41.41 left on your giftcard.
Teen Customer: $41.41? That's ironic.
Me: [stifles rage]

WHY CAN'T PEOPLE LEARN THE MEANING OF IRONY? Irony is when the conveyed meaning is opposite from the literal meaning. Not when you have $41.41 left on your gift card.

People are fucking stupid. There, I said it.

For more smrt people, watch the one funny bit from the E show Starveillance:

Sunday, January 07, 2007

And Also: Water the House Plants

It's 2007. Only three more years until 2010. That will be the FOURTH decade I've witnessed ('80s, '90s, '00s, '10s) and that makes me feel old. Seriously.

But let's switch the focus back from my unfounded future neuroses to the present. This year I've decided to make a real resolution. One that I might actually have a chance of accomplishing (unlike "stop biting my nails") and might actually make me a better person (unlike anything I've ever resolved to do, ever). I've decided to go for a literary type goal. Last year was a sorry year for me. I finished maybe 10 novels. So pathetic. So this year I need to pick up the pace. At first I was going to say that my goal for the year was to "read more books." But that won't really work, because a) I don't have any real record of what I read last year and b) it just sounds pathetic. So I think I'll go the 50books route and choose an arbitrary total goal for the year. I'm not sure I could hit the 50 mark, so I'm going to shoot for 25-30 books. If I reach 25 I'll be proud of myself, if I get 30+ I'll be downright smug. So that's my goal for the year.

And to start your year off right, take a gander at these videos:

God, Inc. Episode 1 "In the beginning, there was paperwork..."

God, Inc. Episode 2 "The Miracles Department"

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Laura steps out of character. Sort of.

Mom: What's your sister up to?
Me: She's downstairs reading.
Mom: [pause] She's reading?
Me: Yeah.
Mom: Like... a book?
Me: Yeah.
Mom: She's reading... a novel... for fun?
Me: It's not a novel. It's that He's Just Not That Into You book.
Mom: Oh. That makes more sense.