Finding Bodies In Ditches: A Calhoon Sister Adventure

So tonight Laura and Hannah and I went and saw Transformers. But that has nothing to do with this story. This story is going to include a few references to places in Wilmington, Illinois, but don't worry if you've never been there and don't know exactly where Widows road is.

So after the movie we're coming back from Joliet and we get off at the Lorenzo Rd exit to take Hannah Rae home. We drop her off and continue down Widows Rd towards 53. That's when I spot something in the ditch off to the right.

Me: "Was that a person back there in the ditch?"
Laura: "I didn't see anything."
Me: "I think there was someone in the ditch."
Laura: "Turn around and go check."

So I turn around.

Me: "Right there!"
Laura: "It's a garbage bag!"
Me: "No, it's a person!"

So now I have to turn around again. Laura decides we need to see if this person is alive. I stop and she rolls down the window.

Laura: "Hello? Hello? Are you ok?"

I pull forward a little for no apparent reason. Hey, I didn't know what to do.

Laura: "Do you have something I can throw? Here! A pop can!"

So now Laura is dumping out a can of pop as I reverse back to the body in the ditch. Before she throws the can, she tries again to get his attention.

Laura: "Sir? Are you ok?"

Finally the guy shows some signs of life and stands up. He's obviously very intoxicated.

Laura: "Are you ok?"
Drunky: "Where am I?"
Laura: "You're on Widows Road."
Drunky: "I'm at my house."
Laura: "No, no you're not."
Drunky: "I think I'm... I..."

So by now Drunky has manoevered his way to the side of my car. Laura quickly rolls up the window : "Drive drive drive Miranda drive!"

So then we park at L&L and figure out our next move. We decide we need to call our mom. Laura calls the house and leaves a message because nobody here answers the phone. So then Laura decides she's just going to call the police. Before she can Mom calls her back. Laura hands the phone to me so I can tell mom the situation. After telling us that we shouldn't mess with people who are lying in ditches she tells us to call the police. Laura is one step ahead: She's already taken my cell to call 411 to get the Wilmington police.

Once she's off the phone with the dispatcher we both crack up and immediately call our best friends. Abby's comment: "I'm so glad it wasn't a dead body, I really thought that's where the story was going." If it had been a dead body instead of a very intoxicated one I wouldn't find this nearly as funny.

I take back what I said about Wilmington being boring.