Dream a Little Dream of Me

Normally I try to avoid writing about my dreams, because while they're usually pretty weird, nobody else cares. Well you're just going to have to read about it anyway. Or go read something else. Whichever.

So Abby and I are bank robbers (aren't you so glad you kept reading?). We're the brains behind our team, which also includes one completely random person I went to real-life high school with. I would never rob a bank with this person, I haven't even spoken to her since a mutual friends' wedding years ago. But dreams are weird, yo.

So anyway, these people = criminal masterminds.

Muahahaha.

So anyway, we're in the process of robbing a bank, when shit starts to go wrong. We're about to get caught, so I change into some businessy clothes to create a distraction so that my team members can get away. Yes, I brought a change of clothes, which Dream Abby thought was ridiculous but then when I had to create a distraction I was all "AREN'T YOU GLAD I BROUGHT EXTRA CLOTHES?" My distraction? That I'm a new employee. And yes, that totally worked. The woman who very nearly caught me committing a felony is now showing me around the bank, introducing me to people. I tell them I'm part of the new marketing committee, that I'll be in charge of gift baskets. AND THIS WORKED. (I'm going to blame the gift baskets thing on having just watched the episode of The Big Bang Theory where Sheldon gives Penny like 10 gift baskets.) Abby and Other Accomplice tried to rescue me at one point, but they were totally about to blow my cover, so I sent them on their way. I explained to my fake boss that "They're just friends. Roommates, actually. I wouldn't be friends with those people." So I work a full day at a bank I was trying to rob, and then I finally get to leave. I have to gather up all my extra clothes, because apparently I brought more than one extra outfit with me. You were right, Dream Abby. The extra clothes were excessive.

And then I had to walk home from the bank, because Abby and Other Accomplice had taken the getaway car. And even though I walk to my grandparents' house, which means I'm in a small town, I have to walk through sketchy, big-city-type neighborhoods. I'm going to blame this on watching The Wire. When I finally make it to my grandparents' house, I realize I don't have my purse with me! Either someone has stolen my purse on my walk home, or I left it at the bank. Both are bad because either someone has stolen my purse, or someone at the bank is going to look at my ID and realize that I gave them a fake name. NOT GOOD. So I'm talking to my grandpa about what I need to do. He thinks I should go back to the bank and check if it's there, and I tell him I can't do that because they would have looked at the ID by now and it would be super awkward. I should call my credit card companies first. But he needs to drive me to my apartment where I have that paperwork with the phone numbers on it.

You can stop reading now if you want this to remain a silly story about a dream I had where I was a bank robber.

I ask my grandpa to give me a ride home, but since the beginning of the conversation he's gotten thinner and weaker. Like he was before he died last year. I'm starting to realize that it's all a dream and my grandpa's not alive but he's here now and I can talk to him for just one more minute if I can just STAY ASLEEP.

But I can't, I have to wake up. And he's gone. Again.

I lay in bed for a few more minutes, trying to will myself back to sleep, hoping I can get back to the dream where my grandpa is still alive and can talk to me and make fun of me for losing my purse. There are things I need to tell him if I can just get back to that dream!!

It doesn't work, of course. I'm awake. It's over.

I pull myself out of bed, go into the living room, and double-check that my purse is where I left it.

It's there. Of course. Things that were here when I went to sleep are still here. Things that were gone are still gone.