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Let's say I want to go from Chicago to London. Make sure you pay special attention to step 20.

Casio Cool

I'm eating my lunch of a not-entirely-awful buffalo chicken salad from the bistro in the lounge of the College of Business building when I over hear what is perhaps the greatest conversation of all time. Some guy has just said to a girl as she's about to leave that "no matter what type of business I manage someday, we're going to have a real, actual casio." They both laugh (his is a terribly annoying laugh) and they continue to talk about this. But I'm no longer really listening. I'm imagining how freaking awesome it would be to have a casio in your office. It would come in so handy! If you had to bring the kids in you could set them up with Jim Walsh-style headphones and let them play with the keyboard. On slow days you could make upsongs for your co-workers about staplers and toner-ink! Casios are so cool, they have all those sound effect options ("This song is played in the key of motorcycle"). It would be indispensible for office parties. The Officeplace Casio may be the greatest idea of all time, and I'm kind of upset that I didn't think of it first.

This is the point in my though process when I tune back into the original conversation to see what ideas the others have come up with for the OfficeCasio. I'm going to blame the accoustics in the lounge and the guy's annoying laugh for my mis-hearing. Apparently when I thought he said "Casio" he actually said "glass ceiling." That's not nearly as cool as a Casio. Also, their laughter is grossly disproportionate to the actual humor level of the joke. I come to the sad realization that I'm in the Buisness building, not the rec building to which I'm accustomed. McCormick is the type of building where discussions of OfficeplaceCasios are held, not the College of Business. I'm out of my element.

Of course, this does mean that the Officeplace Casio was in fact my idea, and I'm having it copwrited or trademarked or patented or whatever. I have the best ideas.

Circles and Squares

This is what you get when you mix boredom and Microsoft Paint.

Carolina Vacation: Day One

I just flew in from Chicago, and boy are my arms tired! Well, actually, my all of me was tired. And I didn't just fly in, I flew in yesterday. And what a day it was!

So my trip began with Mom and Grandma driving me to the airport. Always an adventure, driving with those two. At one point we got off on the wrong exit, but luckily we were able to get right back on. Whose idea was it to put I-290, I-90, and I-190 right by each other? Bastards.

So finally I got to the airport. I tell you, I will always travel with carry-on luggage only, because you can check in at this little kiosk thing and not have to wait in that line to check your baggage. And I love traveling on the little express planes because you can gate-check your suitcase. In case you don't know, gate-checking is where they take your larger carry-on luggage right before you get on the plane, and then you get it back right when you get off. It's very convenient.

Once I was on the plane, I learned quickly that our flight attendant was new. She seemed to be very frazzled and she didn't have the speech memorized. I have the speech mostly memorized, so she should have it too. And then they couldn't get the door to the plane closed. That is most definitely not good. I'm not normally afraid of flying, but I did have a slight fear that mid-flight the door was going to pop open and then we would all die. And that would really have put a cramp in the plans. But, thankfully, I arrived safely in Greenville, SC at about 5pm local time.

We had about three hours to kill before the show, so in true Abby and Miranda fashion, we went to the mall. We ate at Ruby Tuesdays and it was perhaps the fastest meal we've ever had. The service was quick, we ate quickly, it was all good. So then we shopped. Victoria's Secret had about a bajillion panties on sale, so I had to buy some. We also admired cute shoes and handbags that we can't afford. Around 8 we ran back to the car, grabbed some clothes, and then changed in a restroom inside the mall. We are so very awesome.

Then Joe! Oh, Joe, you are so lovely and sooooo talented. I'll post more about the show later (with pictures) but for now just let me say that Joe played the Fraggle Rock theme song and a mash-up of The Blower's Daughter and Saving all the love.

It was a good night.

Check back in soon for day two of the on-going saga.

Ban This!

I love a good book. Who doesn't? You know what I really love? BANNED BOOKS! Now, I don't love the act of banning/burning books. In fact, I hate it. But knowing that a book has been banned makes me that much more eager to read it. I'm not the only one, right? Anyway, this led me to formulate my own list of banned books that I've read. I used the same links she used to create her list, so I'm not going to go through the trouble to link to them here. I didn't know most of them were "banned" when I read them, but finding out that a book I've enjoyed has made some people get their panties in a twist makes me look back at just what it was in the book that could cause an uproar. But I digress... Let's get to my list!

Flowers in the Attic by V.C. Andrews -- Love love loved it. I can understand how this book would make some uncomfortable, but still I highly recommend it.
Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume -- Judy Blume is a goddess.
Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants by Ann Brashares -- ...Seriously? Another fabulous book, but I don't really know what the big fuss is. I guess there is some 15 year old sex, but it happens "off-camera," and Brashares barely hints at the act. I was like 19 when I read it and I had to reread the passage to make sure they had actually done the deed. Read it! It's better than the movie!
A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess -- Yeah, this one's kinda obvious. But it's a work of art, I loved it, and again... highly recommend.
Canterbury Tales by Geoffery Chaucer -- Not a fan, but whatever.
Face on the Milk Carton (series) by Caroline Cooney -- I floved these books in middle school. I haven't read them in close to a decade but I don't remember anything offensive or obscene.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl -- Must be the Oompa Loompas.
Killing Mr. Griffin by Lois Duncan -- I went through a phase where I read basically the entire L. Duncan cataloug. I guess this one might be a tad violent, but I don't really remember anything except they kill their teacher. I don't even remember that that clearly.
Diary of Anne Frank by Anne Frank -- "I keep my ideals, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart." WE MUST GET THIS TRASH OFF OUR LIBRARY SHELVES!
Lord of the Flies by William Golding -- Must be the repeated use of the word "conch." That joke never got old in Sophomore English.
Where's Waldo by Martin Handford -- Now wikipedia is just fucking with me.
The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton -- Oh, Ponyboy. Those Socs were dicks.
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey** -- Crazy. Obviously.
Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes -- I haven't read it since middle school, but I still remember it fairly well. I should really read it again.
It by Stephen King** -- I'm a King fan, but God did he ever get wordy. His '70s books are the best (Carrie, 'Salem's Lot, The Shining, etc)
The Shining by Stephen King -- A great book. I've yet to see the movie all the way through, but I know that it replaces the creepy-ass topiary garden with a less creepy hedge maze. Seriously, I'll never look at a animal-shaped bush the same way.
Pet Semetary by Stephen King -- Not King's best, but I enjoyed it. The movie is a fairly good interpretation, and, y'know, it has Fred Gwynne.
Carrie by Stephen King -- A great read. If you're new to King I recommend starting here, at the begining, and then moving on to either The Shining or 'Salem's Lot.
To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee -- MY ALL TIME FAVORITE BOOK OF ALL TIME, EVER. 'nuff said.
A Wrinkle in Time (series) by Madeleine L'Engle -- I've read A Wrinkle in Time and A Wind in the Door and maybe one more from the series. Not sure what would get it banned, from my recollection it was fairly straightforward fantasy fare.
The Narnia series by C.S. Lewis -- I definitely read The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe and I'm pretty sure I read one more in the series. I'm really good at remembering.
The Call of the Wild by Jack London -- We read it in school. I don't really remember it that well but I think it was more of a guy book.
Mick Harte Was Here by Barbara Park -- Cried my 7th grade eyes out. I'm also pretty sure I read it in one night. Looooved it.
How to Eat Fried Worms by Thomas Rockwell -- ...Because it promotes unhealty diets? I haven't read this in close to fifteen years or something so forgive me if all I really remember is the title. And the part where they glued two worms together to make it look like a nightcrawler.
Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger -- It was alright. Go read it now, because everyone else has read it and PEER PRESSURE.
Scary Stories (series) by Alvin Schwartz -- Dude, these were the shit in elementary school. Laura still probably has them in her closet, or they've gone on to Morgan's.
Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespear -- Seriously? It's a classic. If you haven't read it my opinion of you has severely dropped.
A Light In the Attic by Shel Silverstein -- Shut up, book banners.
Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck -- Good, and soo much better than The Grapes of Wrath, in which Steinbeck goes on for about eleventy billion pages about a turtle crossing a dirt road, and it's about as exciting as you could possibly imagine. Lennie and George are much more interesting.
The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck** -- A fucking TURTLE. For ELEVENTY BILLION PAGES.
Goosebumps (series) by R.L. Stine -- Everybody read at least one in third grade. It was like... the law.
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain -- Of course I've read it, I'm an American living in relative proximity to the Mississippi River.
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain -- See above.
Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut** -- People get touchy when you write a book about war. People are mostly dumb.
Native Son by Richard Wright -- We read it in high school. I don't really remember much about it or why it would have been banned, but you know how some people are.


Alright. There's 35 books that I've read in my lifetime that others have been denied the pleasure. Go read a book.

** Denotes books I have yet to finish or just stopped reading (I'm looking at you, Grapes of Wrath.)