So tonight I was doing a little shopping at Kohls. I was very disappointed by the fact that they currently seem to only carry clothes in my size that make me look like I'm five years old. I did manage to find a few things I liked, a few dresses, a couple tops. So I head over to the dressing room.
I try on the shirts first. The first one is a winner, very adorable, the next two, not so much. None of the dresses were winners. The worst part wasn't that the clothes didn't fit, oh no. It was that in the next dressing room over, there were four very loud, very annoying teenage girls. You read right, they're all in the same dressing room. One of the girls apparently has large breasts and can't wear halter tops. It's been a while since I've studied her particular teenage-body-issues dialect, but I think she blames her large breasts on skinny girls. Um... Sorry?
I finally excape from their brain-dead chatter and make another round through the racks. I've found a few more dresses and tops to try on, so I head back to the dressing rooms. I'm relieved to see that the gaggle of airheads has left the area.
I'm trying on the last dress when I hear a familiar voice in the next dressing room. Boobs, the Skinny Bitch Hater is back! She's even more annoying this time around because she's talking to people outside of the dressing room, so she's talking louder. It's painful. I just want to escape.
But I can't. I'm stuck in the dress. The zipper won't unzip. It's like a nightmare come true. I'm trapped in a small enclosed space listening to annoying teenagers deal with their body issues by contributing to mine.
There is only one person in the world that could possibly be interested in hearing about my predicament, so I decide to text Abby. However, apparently the secret to getting out of the dress is to bend down to reach for your phone. I threw my street clothes on as fast as possible and got my ass over to the shoe department.