LOST no more

Alright, folks.

On my myspace page, I have a list of my top ten favorite TV shows. I updated it earlier, but before the update the list looked something like this:

--01. Firefly
--02. Gilmore Girls
--03. The Office
--04. What Not To Wear
--05. Lost
--06. Coupling
--07. Grey's Anatomy
--08. The Daily Show
--09. Project Runway
--10. Beverly Hills, 90210
--11. Heroes

I know that's actually eleven shows, but I still call it my top ten. Because that's how I roll.

I first created my list of television favorites about a year ago. At that time Lost was sliding downhill, I knew it, but I still had hopes for the show. That's why I put it at number five. I still cared about what happened to the characters. I watched every week. Not anymore.

Don't get me wrong. I still watch every week (except for hiatus, obv). But my viewing habits are no longer fueled by my feelings towards the characters and my desire to see how the mystery unfurled. Now I watch out of a sick curiosity to see how the writers are going to dig themselves out of this hole. I'm no longer viewing under the delusions that the writers know what they're doing. This show drops storylines like no other show I know.

Since I no longer consider Lost one of my favorite shows, I had to replace it. I don't know why I didn't add this show to my list sooner, because I have been watching regularly for a while now, and I talk about it all the time. I'm one of those people that talks about soap characters like they are real people. Those of you that know me know that my soap is General Hospital. Those who know me well know that my family is the Spencers. This is the picture I almost chose for my list:


Luke and Laura (the Ultimate Supercouple), and their two children, Lucky and Lulu. A beautiful family, right? Now, I know they're actors playing characters, but don't you agree that Julie Berman (Lulu) looks like she could be the love child of Tony Geary (Luke) and Genie Francis (Laura)? I really hope Genie comes back to the show to stay, because Luke and Laura should be the central characters on the show. Tony Geary and Genie Francis have been on the show since the '70s, and their wedding in '81 is still the most watched soap event of all time, with something like 3 million viewers. I mean, who wouldn't want to tune in to see that hair and that veil?

To paraphrase Mr. Geary, I think that giant flowery thing was stapled to her head.

The picture I ultimately chose was this one from around 1993, because it might possibly be the greatest picture ever taken.

That's hot.

Starting the semester right.

Last night I set my alarm clock for 6:00am.

6:00am came. 6:00am went. No alarm.

I woke up at 10:00am, just in time to miss two classes.

So far this semester I've slept through 2/3 of my classes.

Customers are Smrt

Where I work we offer free trial subscriptions to five different magazines to customers as they come through the checkout. Approximately half the people that come through my line respond to my magazine pitch in this way, see if you can catch the mistake.

Me: With your purchase today you get eight risk free weeks of one of the magazines, which would you like to go with?
Customer: Neither.

... "Neither?" So you want neither of the FIVE magazines I've just offered you? From dictionary.com:

Usage Note: According to the traditional rule, neither is used only to mean "not one or the other of two." To refer to "none of several," none is preferred: None (not neither) of the three opposition candidates would make a better president than the incumbent.

And also today:
Me: There's $41.41 left on your giftcard.
Teen Customer: $41.41? That's ironic.
Me: [stifles rage]

WHY CAN'T PEOPLE LEARN THE MEANING OF IRONY? Irony is when the conveyed meaning is opposite from the literal meaning. Not when you have $41.41 left on your gift card.

People are fucking stupid. There, I said it.

For more smrt people, watch the one funny bit from the E show Starveillance:

And Also: Water the House Plants

It's 2007. Only three more years until 2010. That will be the FOURTH decade I've witnessed ('80s, '90s, '00s, '10s) and that makes me feel old. Seriously.

But let's switch the focus back from my unfounded future neuroses to the present. This year I've decided to make a real resolution. One that I might actually have a chance of accomplishing (unlike "stop biting my nails") and might actually make me a better person (unlike anything I've ever resolved to do, ever). I've decided to go for a literary type goal. Last year was a sorry year for me. I finished maybe 10 novels. So pathetic. So this year I need to pick up the pace. At first I was going to say that my goal for the year was to "read more books." But that won't really work, because a) I don't have any real record of what I read last year and b) it just sounds pathetic. So I think I'll go the 50books route and choose an arbitrary total goal for the year. I'm not sure I could hit the 50 mark, so I'm going to shoot for 25-30 books. If I reach 25 I'll be proud of myself, if I get 30+ I'll be downright smug. So that's my goal for the year.

And to start your year off right, take a gander at these videos:

God, Inc. Episode 1 "In the beginning, there was paperwork..."



God, Inc. Episode 2 "The Miracles Department"

Laura steps out of character. Sort of.

Mom: What's your sister up to?
Me: She's downstairs reading.
Mom: [pause] She's reading?
Me: Yeah.
Mom: Like... a book?
Me: Yeah.
Mom: She's reading... a novel... for fun?
Me: It's not a novel. It's that He's Just Not That Into You book.
Mom: Oh. That makes more sense.