2. Ring the doorbell. Hear nothing. Think "Hmm... maybe the bell's broken." Ring the doorbell again. Knock. Try the door. Knock.
3. After the door is opened, realise that it actually wasn't locked and the bell was working and in fact you just rang the doorbell multiple times for no reason.
4. For good measure, while standing in a dim entryway talk to the woman who answered the door as if it's your cousin's wife. Actually, it's her sister.
Congratulations! You've just followed my patented method of being an ass.